


Darkest Before The Dawn

by Vic32



Category: due South
Genre: Depression, Friendship, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-07
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 15:28:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vic32/pseuds/Vic32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Fraser feeling at his lowest his friends gather to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you once again to my faithful beta ds_Tiff who has gone above and beyond for me. 
> 
> These beautiful men are not mine i just look after them from time to time.

 

  
Pulling up to the Consulate at the end of the day, Ray Kowalski knew, just knew all was not right in the land that was Benton Fraser. Glancing at his friend beside him he could see the cuts and brusies on his face, from where he had missed a step and had fallen down the stairs at the station. It hadn’t been the only accident the Mountie had that day.

Over the course of the day, Fraser had been knocked over by a bike messenger, fell in garbage, caught his uniform jacket on a nail and then finally the stairs incident.

Something was definitely hinky.

Tapping the steering wheel Ray braved asking, “Frase you OK?”

Looking at Ray shooting him his best Mountie mask he could, “I’m fine Ray, thank you for asking.”

Ray could see that Fraser was lying to him, but was afraid to push it. Fraser was all closed up and it would take a lot to break through that wall he had built around him.

“Good, good, I’ll see you tomorrow then pick you up at 7.30 right,” Ray replied.

“Right thank you Ray,“ answered Fraser while getting out of the car.

He watched his best friend walk towards the Consulate. Even his walk was tired looking, Ray knew that he had to try something to help his friend with whatever was wrong with him .

Half way home home Ray stopped at a traffic light with Fraser still on his mind. All sorts of bad thoughts filled his head as to what may be wrong with his best friend.

Ray imagined getting a phonecall in the middle of the night to go to the morgue to identify Fraser, that filled him with dread.

Cursing, he turned the car around and sped back to the consulate all the time giving out to himself for leaving in the first place.

What if he found Fraaer... he wasn’t going there. Everything  will be OK he was just overreacting... right.

The Consulate was in darkness when he pulled up, but that wasn’t going to stop him helping the stubborn Mountie.

Letting himself in Kowalski style, Ray slowly made his way towards Fraser’s office. Trying to avoid bumping into the reception desk and stairs.

Ray could hear Diefenbaker whining softly behind the closed office door, that was so not good, Ray thought.

Pushing the door open, Ray could see Fraser sitting on his cot in the darkness with Diefenbaker at his feet.

Fraser sat there still in his uniform, even his coat had not been removed. Most of all was that he was holding his head in his hands.

“Frase...Frase, you OK buddy?” Ray asked, softly approching him.

Keeping his head in his hands, Fraser shook his head.  
Crouching down in front of him, Ray pulled on his shoulder. “What’s wrong Fraser, tell me, I might be able to help?”

Taking in the deepest breath Ray had ever seen, Fraser spoke, “I’m not sure that I can be helped Ray.”

Rubbing circles of comfort on his friends back as he spoke, “Sure you can, if you tell me, we can do something about whatever it is that is troubling you.”

Fraser didn’t answer, so Ray took his hands and brought them away from his face.

What Ray saw when he looked into Fraser’s eyes shocked him. Despair, loneliness, heartache, all that poured out of them. Only leaving emptiness back at him.

Not letting go of his friends hands hoping he’d take strength from them, “OK Frase, how long would it take you to pack?”

Frowning at the blond, “What do you mean, pack?”

“Pack Frase, you know put all of your stuff in boxes to move. As in pack,” Ray replied.

Standing up, Ray paced the small space in the office. “You can’t tell me that living here in this office isn’t part of what is going on with with you because it is. So Fraser step 1, we get you out of here. You and Dief can stay with me, I’ve got the room.”

Fraser watched Ray as he paced. “Ray I couldn’t impose on you like that.”

Standing in front of the Mountie, Ray pointed a finger at him. “Never Benton Buddy, you never do that. So pack an overnight bag and we will come back for the rest in the morning.”

Knowing this was one battle he’d lose he packed a bag and followed his two best friends out to the car. What Ray had planned to help he didn’t know. Whether he could be helped was the bigger question.   



	2. Chapter 2

The drive to the apartment was done in silence which was fine by Ray. He knew that Fraser was feeling low, well, low was probably to weak a word for what he was feeling right now. He was just in a really bad place in his head and Ray was determined to help his friend get through this, no matter what it took.

Parking the car he took a glance at the man sitting beside him. Reaching over, he placed his hand across his shoulders, just as Fraser had done for him after the Botrelle case. Giving his neck a gentle squeeze Ray flashed a a small smile at his friend, letting him know everything was going to be OK. 

 

Jerking his head, they all got out of the car and made their way up to what was now going to be their apartment.

 

Once inside Ray was the first to speak, “Fraser why don’t you shower and change and I’ll order us some dinner OK. If you're up to it afterwards we can talk about what’s bothering you and and see how we can help you through this.”

 

Fraser felt choked up at the kindness that he was been shown by his friend. “Thank you Ray, that would be lovely.”

 

Ray stood watching Fraser head toward the bathroom he could feel Diefenbaker’s stare.

 

Crouching down taking Dief’s face in his hands, “Don’t worry buddy I’ll help him, I won’t let him down, I promise you”

 

Standing in the shower Fraser let his head hang letting the water spray down on him. The water felt great aginst his aching musles, today had been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Never before had so many accidents happen to him in one day. He knew that this was coming he could feel for a while now. 

 

Fraser let himself smile remembering Ray’s animated face telling him that he could never be a burden to him.

 

He loved it when his blond friend became passionate about something, his whole body sung when it happened. Maybe that’s why Ray made such a wonderful dancer. So full of grace and fluid movements that they almost told a story of how he was feeling.

 

As the water drew cold Fraser stepped out the shower afer drying he changed into his sweats, sweats that had been a gift from Ray. They had the C.P.D logo on them, Ray had quoted, ’You work with the C.P.D you might as well have the gear as well right buddy’. Remembering that made him smile once more.

 

That made Fraser think that Ray had been the only one apart from his best friend and brother Ray Vecchio that could make him smile lately and feel loved. All he felt when he was alone was tiredness, soul deep tiredness.

 

While Fraser showered Ray had changed the sheets on his bed and layed the table for their food. He couldn’t help feel the dread in his stomach that he may not be enough to help his friend, he just prayed that he could and in the right way.

 

Looking up from what he was doing Ray saw a flushed pink from the shower Fraser, “Hey buddy was the shower OK for you, did I leave enough towels”

 

Placing the towels in the hamper, “Yes Ray thank you”

 

Waving a hand, “No bother the food just arrived so you timed it perfectly. Og and Kenny even put a platter for Dief of mixed meat and veg. Don’t worry there is only a hint of sauce so it’s a nice and healthy meal for him. How cool is that huh?”

 

Smiling at Dief who was wagging his tail, “That was very kind of him, how much do I owe you Ray?”

 

Standing pointing a finger once again at Fraser, “Did you ask me for money the other day or all the other times, NO you did not. So Benton you don’t give me a penny now buster, just say I’d like some water please Ray and Thank you and oh ya rub a dub, dub thank you for the food yeah god.”

 

That made Fraser laugh out loud and reply, “May I have a glass of water Ray please and rub a dub, dub thank you for the food yeah god”

 

Sitting down at the table laughing along with Fraser they all enjoyed their meal. Even Dief who would normally beg, didn’t because of the platter Kenny had sent him.

 

“Oh YA Frase Kenny asked if it would be OK to put the platter he gave Dief on the menu as ‘Dief’s Platter’, for humans and a Doggie/Wolf bag to take away. He said to let him know if that would be OK. The profits will go to an animal charity. Dief said Ya but since you’re the boss an all…”

 

Shaking his head, “Really Ray that would be lovely, I’ll be sure to call him and tell him that would be fine. You see Dief, if you behave good things happen for you.”

 

Dief barks wagging his tail very happy after his platter meal.

 

Once the meal was finished the dishes were washed and put away as was the norm when the Mountie was over. Then they settled on the couch with their tea and coffee still not saying a word.

 

Midway through the doctumenty on the train from Calgery through the Rocky Mountains, Ray bumped his shoulder off Fraser’s. “You want to talk about what is troubling you buddy?”

 

Looking into his friend’s eyes Fraser shook his head saying, “Not just yet Ray, sorry.”

 

Flashing a comforting smile back, “Not to worry Frase, you will when you are ready and I’ll be here for you alright.”

 

Bumping his shoulder back against Ray’s, “Thank you Ray.”

 

Fraser then started talking about the train, “Isn’t that fasinating Ray that train travel....”

 

Ray was lost in Fraser’s voice as he spoke about the train annd it’s history. About the towns that it passed through and the beauty you can only see from it. 

 

“Hey we must go on that train sometime Frase, that would be fun huh,” Ray said and meaning it.

 

Fraser lit up at the thought, “That would be wonderful Ray, my treat of course. It’s the least I can do for all you have done for me.”

 

“Are you unhinged...Oh I mean I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just to much money Fraser. I’ll shut up now sorry buddy”, “Ray spoke with his face in his hands from embarrassment.

 

Patting his shoulder, “It’s alright Ray I knew what you meant and it will be my pleasure to treat you, so please let me do this for you.”

 

Looking at his Mountie buddy, “You mean that don’t you. OK so only if I get to treat you to a holiday sometime.”

 

Shaking hands they agreed. 

 

Becoming more tired they decided to go to bed. Ray laughed at Fraser not caring that they had to share with him saying, “We shared less room in the tent on our adventure Ray.”

 

Once in bed silence came over the darkened room the only light came from the light in the bathroom door that was open slightly.

 

After awhile Ray could feel Fraser start to tremble. Turning over to face him he put his hand on his shoulder, “Frase buddy you OK, hey come on turn over, tell me what’s up huh.”

 

Slowly Fraser turned over to face him his eyes wet from the tears that fell.

 

Hating seeing that kind of pain in his best friend’s eyes he took his hand in his, offering support, comfort and strength. Hoping now that he would talk to him about whatever it was that was making him feel this way.

 

They lay there silently just holdin hands. Ray wanted to let Fraser start without being pushed to hard.

 

For a long time the tears fell with no noise at all, using a tissue Ray wiped them away, never letting go of the hand in his.

 

Finally Fraser began to speak so softly that Ray had to strain to hear him.

 

“You know Ray I’m remembering more about my mum than I did. I remember that we used to have these great adventures in the snow. We would build snow families and play house with them. We would pretend to be at school with them sometimes. And she’d sing to me Ray, oh Ray she had the most beautiful voice.”

 

Ray smiled, “Ya? What did she sing to you?”

 

Fraser’s eyes sparkled, “She’d make songs up, or sing Inuit lullabies.”

 

“Is that where you got your love for things Inuit? From your mum?” Ray asked.

 

Smiling sadly, “Partly yes and from my friends Eric and Innusiq. They always had me over with their parents and grandparents.”

 

Holding Fraser’s hand tighter, “That’s cool, tell me more about your mum, she sounds like a wonderful lady.”

 

“She was very beauitful and strong and funny. We’d have arts and crafts for when my dad was coming home. I’d make him presents. I made him a wallet one time and he used it until it fell apart. He even lost it bringing in a suspect even though he was injured. When he got out he went back out to find it and actually found it and put it back together and used it again.”

 

Ray’s eyes widened. “Really he did that? He must have really loved it then.”

 

Nodding, “Yes I believe so and yet I failed my dad when he needed me the most and I failed my mum at the same time.”

 

Frowning now, “Fraser how could you have possibly failed them?”

 

“It was after my sixth birthday mum and I came back from one of our adventures. So mum said I should take a rest, that I could go and sleep on their bed. So I did as I was very tired. I got to drive the dog sled just a tiny bit, but I did it and mum was so proud of me. So after a while I heard shouting lots of it. Mum had told me if I sensed danger to hide so I did as she had shown me. I got into the hideaway in the closet.”

 

Ray had a feeling what was coming so held on to that hand stronger.

 

“I heard a really loud bang and then the shouting stopped. I waited until I heard the dogs leave to go outside. That’s when I saw my mum on the floor with blood coming out so fast. I went over to her carefully not stepping in anything and she whispered that she loved me, she then closed her eyes. I knew that she died then and that it was all my fault. If I had made a noise, if I had done something my mum would be alive.”

 

Tugging on Fraser’s hand, “NO Fraser, you couldn’t you were just six years old, still a baby and you did what your mum had told you to do. You did nothing wrong you hear me, you did nothing wrong.”

 

Tears streamed faster down his face, “Yes Ray, I did. I called the other Mounties on the radio and they came and took my mum away and I never saw her again. Then my dad can’t handle looking after me, I understood he loved my mum very much, a part of him died with her. So he did what he thought was best and brought me to my grandparents. I didn’t fit in...in any of my postings, it’s only when my dad was taken from me I found a home here in Chicago.”

 

A bitter laugh escaped Fraser’s lips, “It took my dad being murdered for me to find a home and friends Ray. What does that say about me?”

 

Ray spoke softly, “That you were dealt a hard hand in life Fraser and that it’s not fair and I am sorry that you went through all that feeling alone.”

 

Shaking his head Fraser carried on, “You see Ray, everyone I love leaves me or dies. Victoria destroyed me, Ray Vecchio left twice and I am terrified I am going to lose you as well and I couldn’t bear it if I did.”

 

Placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Hey you’re not going to lose me, what makes you think that? As for Victoria, well she better watchout if I get my hands on her. Vecchio is only down in Florida we can head down there and see him anytime. It’s just where he is setting up his new home.”

 

Biting his lip, “I am terrfired Ray if you found out something about me you’d never want to be my friend again.”

 

Moving closer to Fraser, “What could be so bad to make me not want to be your friend again?”

 

Meeting Ray’s eyes, “That I love you, that I am in love with you and I want to be more then friends with you.”

 

Pulling Fraser into a hug, “Is that all you big nut? I feel the same way about you. I love you, I am in love with you and I want to be more then friends with you!”

 

Pulling back and and gazing into the blonde’s eyes in shock, “You do?”

 

“Yes Ben I do, now lay your head down and get some sleep, tomorrow we will figure out how to go about getting you help with your past. You let out some heavy stuff and I think that you need more then me to help you and perhaps a trip to Florida huh?”

 

Laying his head on Ray’s shoulder, “Yes Ray I’d like that very much.”

 

Kissing the top of Ben’s head Ray listened to him fall asleep praying for his friend that everything would be OK. 

 

Whispering before falling asleep himself, “Love you Ben, I’ll be here for you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Fraser woke, slowly opening one eye he found that he was looking into Diefenbaker's smiling face lying on the bed next to him. Reaching out he scratched him behind the ears, “Good morning Dief, did you sleep well?”

Dief licked his human’s face in response, bringing a tiny smile to the awaking man.

Turning over he could hear Ray moving around in the kitchen, so getting up he made his way out to him.

Ray looked fresh, dressed in his plaid that he’d worn that night when he arrived and now Ray was fixing breakfast with it on. Smiling at how vibrant he looked moving about the kitchen, Fraser spoke, “Good morning Ray.”

Ray turned, smiling at the sound of the voice, “Morning Ben, just making us some breakfast, so why don't you sit and relax?”

Running his fingers through his raven locks Fraser asked, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Shaking his head and using the spatula to point, Ray replied, “Sit and enjoy your breakfast.”

Sitting, Fraser paused before getting back up to place a kiss on Ray's cheek, which must have been the right thing to do as it brought the most wonderful smile to Ray’s face and got him a kiss in return, before being ordered to sit once again for breakfast.

Ben had to admit the breakfast was delicious, even eating the second helpings that were offered.

Catching Ray's eye, he knew that there was something Ray wanted to say.

Reaching over Fraser placed a hand on Ray's arm, “Is there something on your mind?”

Shaking his head and smiling, Ray captured Ben's hand lacing their fingers together. “You know me well, ya there is something I want to talk to you about. I have a friend Alan, Alan Hanson and he is a therapist and I hope it’s OK, but I asked if he could help you. He said that he could and he could do home or office visits, whichever you prefer. If I have overstepped the mark you can punch me.” 

Ben was stunned, he couldn't believe that Ray had gone out of his way like that for him and it just made him love him even more.

Squeezing the hand in his, Ben replied, “Ray thank you for that, I would love to speak with your friend Alan. I do think that I need help and home visits might be best as I feel more comfortable that way.”

Ray showed the relief on his face, “Phew, I thought you'd kill me, even as I asked Alan I thought it.”

Gently rubbing his thumb on the back of Ray's hand, Ben reassured him, “No, I would never do that, what you did means the world to me and I thank you for that, in fact it makes me love you even more.”

Eyes glistening with happiness Ray couldn't believe Ben had said those words. In a choked voice he got the words out, “Love you to Ben, always.” 

Cleaning off the dishes from breakfast, Ray dialled the number for Alan. On hearing his friend’s voice answer he smiled, “Hey Al my man, Ray here.”

Rolling his eyes at his blond friend over the phone, Alan replied, “Ray I would never have known it was you! Well, can I do it for you, for your friend?”

Looking at Ben as he put away the last cup, Ray said, “Ya, it’s a go and home visits if you can, he says that he would feel more comfortable with that.” 

Alan was taking notes as he spoke, “Sure thing, would tomorrow be OK to start, or would he prefer tonight?”

Pausing for a moment, Ray answered, “Not sure, hang on and I’ll ask.” Covering the mouthpiece, he called out, “Ben, Al wants to know if you want to start tonight or tomorrow?”

Swallowing before answering, Ben called back, “Tonight if can, I have put this off for far too long as it is.”

Nodding and smiling with pride Ray went back to the call. “Tonight Al, if that is OK with you, I’ll cook.”

A mocking voice came back, “You can cook?”

Ray was laughing now, “Ha ha funny guy! Ya I can cook and seriously, thank you for everything, you’re a good friend.”

In a soft voice, Alan replied, “It’s no problem Ray and remember to call your godchildren, OK!”

Rolling his eyes mockingly, Ray answered, “Yes Mom, no really I will, maybe Ben and I could take them to the park or something if that would be OK?”

Alan sounded happy, “Ya, that would be great, they would love that as they used to love going with you, we can set it up for sure. Listen I better go there is someone waiting for me, see you guys tonight.”

Hanging up the phone, Ray knew that Ben needed a Kowalski hug, so it was a Kowalski hug that he got. 

Leaning his head on Ben's shoulder, Ray rubbed his back, “Don't worry, Al is a great guy he really helped me and guess what, we get to take my godchildren to the park or something someday, that will really brighten you up, I swear they are great kids.”

Ben smiled into Ray's hair, “I'd love that, will we take Dief to the park for a walk now, I think I need the fresh air.”

Placing a kiss on those ever kissable lips, Ray's baby blues shone back, “Sure thing, think I need it myself.”

Now hand in hand they made their way to the park with Dief running beside them happily wagging his tail. 

 

The walk to the park had been a very good idea, even though Ray had to give the evil eye to a few people who gave them dirty looks for holding hands. Thing was that he was not letting go of the hand in his for fear that, if he did, Ben would float away and be lost forever and there was no way that he was letting that happen, no way no how.

Ben could feel the support vibrate through Ray and yet the grey clouds still hung over his head and all around.

On entering what was now their apartment Ray turned and placed a hand on his partner’s cheek, “Ben, everything will be alright, we will help you with whatever you need and however you need it and remember that I love you. You Benton Fraser, not the Mountie, not that I don't love him as well, I do, I am just trying to say...badly...that it is Ben the person that I love.”

Ducking his head and biting his lip at those words the dam broke and the tears began to flow.

Seeing the tears fall from those eyes near broke Ray’s heart, “Awe jeez Ben, come 'ere,” and he pulled him into a hug. 

They stood like that for a bit not saying a word, not needing to say a word.

Ben was shaking and the tears that fell he feared would choke him, or shake him apart. It seemed like forever by the time he was calm enough to talk that it felt like hours, when in reality it was just a few minutes.

Pulling back Ray used his sleeve to wipe the tears from his lover’s face, “You needed that huh.” 

Eyes red and swollen from crying and voice still choked, Ben answered, “Yes...yes, I think that I did.”

Ray gently rubbed his cheek, not being able to not touch, offering comfort anyway he knew how, “Ben, why don't you go take a nap or something. I'll run to the store and pick up dinner for us all tonight, OK.”

Slowly nodding, Ben said, “I think that is a fine idea, thank you. Do you need money for the groceries.”

Giving him his best unhinged look, Ray replied, “All I need from you is to rest, that's all.” Leaning in giving the tired man a kiss, he added, “Now, off to bed with you.” Then Ray turned to the wolf. “Now Dief, I am trusting you to keep an eye on him and to make sure that he rests, OK? He is allowed to use the bathroom, but rest no work.”

Looking from one man to the other Dief gave a yip and practically pulled his pack-mate to bed which made the other man laugh as he left to buy the food to cook for dinner. 

Ray was greeted to a soft snore followed by a very loud snore when he entered the apartment. Shaking his head and chuckling to himself he took a peek into the bedroom, and yes it was just as he thought. The soft snore came from Ben and the loud one from the wolf. Both cuddled up together on the bed, it wasn't everyone that got to see this, in fact he was the only one that did and he felt truly blessed about that.

As the apartment was spotlessly clean all he had to do was to put away the shopping and maybe start to prepare the dinner to be cooked later. 

Setting the chicken and herb stuffing on the counter so they would be room temperature when preparing the dinner, he put on the kettle and heated up some scones that he found in the bakery before going to call the sleeping man, so that he would be ready and awake for when Alan called.

Sitting on the edge of the bed Ray took some time to study the sleeping face. He could see the storm behind the lids of his eyes as the they were restless even in sleep. Rubbing the hair that fell on Ben’s forehead Ray whispered, “Oh Ben, I wish that I could take away your pain and sadness and stomp on everyone who has ever hurt you.”

Even in sleep Ben knew Ray's touch and voice and became more relaxed at them.

Ray didn't want to wake him now that he was visibly relaxed after his touch and then his voice that seemed to calm him, but he knew that he had to as Alan would be here in a little bit and he wanted him awake and ready for that, as he knew that it would be a stressful time ahead. 

Just like Prince Charming in Sleeping Beauty Ray placed a kiss on those beautiful lips, “Time to wake up Sleeping Beauty.”

Slowly waking Ben was greeted by those eyes he loved so much, resting a hand on the jean clad leg, he said, “Thank you for waking me, what time is it?”

On instinct Ray put his hand on the one on his leg, “Its only five, so you have time and I have the kettle on and a scone heating for you, just so that you have something inside you until dinner.”

Turning his hand so that they were palm to palm, Ben replied, “Thank you, you do know that you don't have to do all this for me, to go to all this trouble.”

Cocking an eyebrow back at those words, Ray said, “Trouble? It’s no trouble, it’s a pleasure to do things for you because I love you, now up and at 'um.” 

Ben watched as the object of his affection went into the kitchen and he couldn't believe his luck that he was loved back by him. Getting out of bed and patting Dief on the head, Ben freshened up before joining Ray for tea and scones. 

Time flew after that and before they knew it Alan was knocking at their door. They both looked at each other at the sound of that knock, taking a deep breath in Ray asked, “You ready?”

Standing almost at parade rest, Ben replied, “I am a Mountie, I am always ready.”

Clasping Ben’s hand in his, “You're not just a Mountie, you are Benton Fraser, my Ben who I love forever.”

Filled with pride and love at those words Ben nodded for him to open the door.

Opening the door Ray greeted his friend with a hug, “Al my man, on time! I am impressed, come in.”

When Alan came in he surprised Ben by how he looked, he didn't look like he expected. He was at least 6 feet 6 inches tall and built like a rugby player. Plus he didn't dress like you’d think a therapist would, he was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt with a sports coat, very relaxed which made Ben feel relaxed right away. 

Taking his friend by the arm Ray introduced them, “Al this is Ben Fraser, my partner, Ben this is Al my man.”

Shaking hands Alan spoke first, “Nice to meet you Mr Fraser and Al, or Alan, would do, I think if you had to say ‘Al my man’ every time it would only be a mouthful.”

Smiling slightly at his easy manner, Ben said, “It’s very nice to meet you Alan, and please, Ben is fine with me, Mr Fraser was my Grandfather.”

Taking time for a few words Ray checked the chicken before leaving with Dief so the two men could talk, “OK guys, I’ll leave you to it and by the time you’re done I’ll be back and dinner should be ready,” and with that, Ray and wolf left and Ben felt slightly nervous about that. 

Stepping forward sensing his nervousness Alan put a hand on his shoulder, “Don't worry, tonight if you like we can just ease into things, so you don't have to get too heavy if you don't wish to.”

Ben smiled, thankful for the ease he put him in, “Thank you, perhaps we could talk over some tea, my Grandmother always said that tea frees the soul.”

Patting the shoulder that Ben had his hand on, Alan replied, “Sounds good to me Ben.”

Sitting down with their tea it took some time before Ben was able to speak. Looking up from his cup he found his voice to start, “Thank you for calling here to help me.”

Waving it off, Alan said, “It’s no problem, sometimes it can help to be where you feel most comfortable. I do do calls in my office if people wish, or cafés, parks and such. I usually leave it up to the person who needs me. If you want to stick with here we will, if you want somewhere different every time that is fine as well.” 

Feeling even more relaxed after hearing that, Ben answered, “Thank you, it does help to know that, an office can make you feel like you’re at work or going to the Principal’s office. So maybe the park sometime would be wonderful.”

Sipping his tea, Alan spoke, “Sure thing, when did you start feeling this way, this sadness?”

Ben gazed into his tea. “I'm not sure? I guess ever since my Mum died when I was six, I felt a dark cloud form and stay. My Father did his best and then what he thought was best for me.”

Alan nodded as he listened, “How do you mean ‘what he thought was best’ and you were only six when your Mum died, that must have been hard for you. How did she pass away?”

Drinking from his cup, Ben explained, “my Mum was murdered by a friend of my Father’s, I only found that out recently. My Father left me with my Grandparents after that as he had to go back to work. So it felt as if I was abandoned, even if that sounds silly, I wasn't abandoned I was with family.”

Shaking his head, Alan replied, “It’s not silly, you were six, you just lost your Mum and you were grieving as well and you needed him.” 

Ben rubbed his face, “I did, I did need him, but I know that he needed to go back to work. My Grandparents weren't bad. They loved me and they made sure that I knew that they did. My Grandmother would sit with me on the rocking chair by the fire and tell me stories. Some about my parents and some she would make up. My Grandfather taught me how to fish and look after foul and do woodwork, so many things.”

Catching his eye, Alan said, “Sounds like they were good people.”

Ben answered with a proud smile on his face, “That they were, people think that they were harsh to me, but they weren't. I had toys, not a lot, but enough, what I had a lot of were books and the love of knowledge and hugs and kisses, bedtime stories and quite a few adventures, some even as far as China.”

Looking surprised, Alan asked, “China, what the heck did ye do in China?”

Ben laughed. “Setting up an English speaking language school and library, it’s where I was thought to speak a few dialectics of the language.”

Alan was grinning now, “Sounds like you have so much to tell, and that can wait until our next session as I think I can hear Ray coming back with your wolf.” 

Giving a shocked look, Ben said, “You mean we are finished? I didn't even know we started.”

Showing his watch, Alan replied, “We've been talking for over an hour and I bet that you got more off your chest in that hour then you have in a long time without realising it than you would have if you’d thought about it, am I right?”

Shocked that he did indeed feel lighter Ben finally smiled, “Yes...yes you’re right I did, I do like how you did that.”

Alan blushed slightly at the praise, “You’re quite welcome.”

Ray came in, hugging them both, but only kissing Ben, he didn't ask how it went as he wanted Ben to tell him in his own time when he was ready to do so.

It was not much longer until dinner was eaten and Alan left, not before, of course, teasing Ray that he could actually cook.

Putting his arms around his lover now that they were alone, Ben said, “Ray, Alan is remarkable, I think that he can really help me.”

Ray kissed his cheek, “I'm glad Ben, I really am. You ready for bed? I bet that you are worn out from all that.”

Nodding against the side of the blonde’s head and still holding on, they made their way to bed, where they would hold each other in love for all night long.


	4. Chapter 4

Three days had passed since his first session with Alan and they had stuck to the same topics for now, finding it best to do so. Ben really had a lot of hidden anger and resentment bottled up and if he didn't deal with it, it could make him very unwell.

Each of the sessions so far he found it easier to talk to this man and he really liked the idea that they could have them in places he felt most comfortable. 

Sitting in the park with Ray under their tree after leaving Alan, Ben leaned his head on the other man's shoulder, “How was your day Ray?”

Ray smiled into the dark locks, “Not so bad, missed you, how did it go for you today?”

Showing the best smile that he could manage, Ben replied, “It went well, I do like that we can have my meetings here in the park or where I feel safe, what drove Alan to do this with people he helps?”

Leaning against the tree still shoulder to shoulder with the person he loved, Ray explained “It started in high school. He wanted to be a surgeon, but he hated blood, fainted at the sight of it, so that was out. So was any other kind of hands on doctor. Then he thought why not become a shrink with a difference. He drew up all these plans, he would buy a building and have each room and floor different, so those who needed help could pick which was best for them.”

Ben couldn't help asking, “What kind of rooms were they?”

Laughing now, Ray answered, “The ground floor would have a swimming pool in one half and a bowling alley in the other. The second floor would be batting cages and a basketball court. The third floor would have a dry bar sitting room and kitchen and then an actual office if that's what they preferred. As for the roof, that would be a terrace area. His dream for the basement was to have a play area and crafts table for kids with viewing areas for parents so they knew all was OK.”

Ben listened to all the wonderful ideas, “Did any of those ideas come true for him Ray?”

Smiling into Ben's eyes, Ray said, “All of them so far, he is just finishing off the kids area as he wants it perfect for them, with the video stuff and security for the abused victims so those parents are kept out.”

Ben was surprised at this, “Sounds remarkable.” 

Tilting his head in agreement, Ray said, “It sure is, he will more than likely bring you there when you are more relaxed as he figured the park is freeing for you right now.”

Taking Ray's hand in his, Ben said, “He is right about that and I must say that I am impressed with him.”

Cherishing holding hands, Ray said, “Ya I am proud of him and he never charges more than people can afford. Al became a billionaire very young, but you would never know it, he doesn't flash the cash.”

“How did he become a billionaire,” Ben was curious.

Shrugging his shoulders, Ray replied, “Not sure, hard work I guess. He set up small businesses online that took off and other companies came in interested and boom, it took off . When some stocks he had went high he sold them and then he was a billionaire.” Turning to face Ben, Ray continued, “You know, he looked after all of his family, got them houses and set up trust funds.”

Ben smiled at how proud his Ray was, “He is a gentleman Ray, would you like to head back for some dinner, I find that I am rather hungry?”

Leaning forward, Ray kissed those lips that he couldn't resist, “Sounds like a fine idea.”

They enjoyed a lovely dinner and just settled on the couch after walking Dief when Ray asked, “Ben, how would you like to go down to visit Vecchio in Florida, get out of Chicago for a few weeks, catch up?”

Looking at him surprised, Ben replied, “Florida? Really, I am not sure, I’d have to ask Alan if we can do my sessions over the phone. If he says that it’s OK then I would love to go.”

Capturing Ben's lips once more, Ray said, “Go call him and if he gives you the go ahead we can head out as soon as possible.”

Nodding Ben got up, “I'll go make that call and see what he says.”

While Ben rang Alan, Ray called Ray Vecchio, “Hey Vecchio, Kowalski here.”

Ray Vecchio frowned at the phone at the sound of the other man calling out of the blue, “Is something wrong Kay?”

Laughing at his nickname, Ray replied, “Well nothing threatening V. Listen, Ben needs to get out of Chicago for a bit, so I thought a break might do him some good, he is just seeing if it’s OK with his shrink.”

Closing his eyes on the phone, the former Detective sighed, “Sure thing, come down and stay as long as you like. Ye can stay in the guest house.”

Ray rubbed his fingers through his blonde spikes, “We don't want to make you feel uncomfortable V, We can stay in a hotel.”

Raising his voice slightly, Ray Vecchio said, “You nuts? I am not uncomfortable, you’re just as goofy as Benny I swear. Look, give me a bell from the airport and let me know when your flight is due in and I will be there to pick ye up, OK?”

Ray sighed with relief, “Thanks, will do. I’d better go see how Ben is getting on, thanks again, you are a good friend.”

“Ya...ya, you too. Give my best to Benny, see you guys soon,” Ray Vecchio hung up and shook his head, they were as bad as each other. 

Coming out of the bedroom Ben looked worried, so rushing forward Ray asked, “Something wrong, did he say no?”

Shaking his head, Ben explained, “No...no, Alan said that it was fine for me to go, in fact he said that it might do me some good. He just wants me to do some homework while I am there.”

Quirking an eyebrow at him, Ray said, “Homework? Al wants you to do homework? What kind?” 

Biting his lip, Ben said, “He wants me to write two letters to myself, one about all the good things in my life and one with all the bad. Then I am to frame the good one and hang it where I can see it when I get home, but to burn the bad one while I am there to free the pain.”

Ray hugged his lover, “Sounds hard, but it also sounds like it might help a great deal.”

Nodding against his head, Ben said, “I agree, he also said that I can do my sessions over the phone.”

Kissing those lips that he was now addicted to, Ray said, “Sounds good Ben, will we go?”

Leaning in capturing another kiss, Ben replied, “Yes, let’s go.”

With Frannie agreeing to stay in their apartment to look after the wolf and the turtle, they made their way to the airport after having packed enough for at least two to three weeks. It would be a hard trip, but a worthy trip and he prayed that it would help clear some of the dark clouds that hung over Ben's heart and soul.

The plane journey was stressful, with overzealous flight attendants who thought it OK to grope his partner and Ray been too polite to tell them to fuck off. Plus, you guessed it, it was a woman with a baby that was seated next to them.

Leaning his head back Ray sighed, that was the cue for the baby to start crying, real heartbreaking baby sobs which started the mother off crying as well.

Feeling sorry for her he turned to face the upset woman, “You OK Ma'am?”

Shaking her head tears streaming down her face, she replied, “No...no, I am sorry, I don't know what's wrong. It’s my first time flying alone, my husband is in hospital and told me to go ahead of him. Now I am ruining everyone’s flight. I have a headache, I am bursting for the toilet and I am hungry and tired.”

Looking at Ben he saw that he was asleep, so Ray faced the lady once again, “Maybe I can help? My name is Ray, Ray Kowalski, I am a Police Detective from Chicago. Look why don't I hold your baby for a bit, give you a break. Go to the toilet, have something to eat and rest, I don't mind, my partner is fast asleep.”

Glancing at the sleeping man she smiled. Looking from her baby to Ray she nodded, “You sure you don't mind?”

Looking at the sobbing baby, he replied, “Na, I don't mind, it’s a long enough flight you need a break, do you want to see my badge as proof first?”

She couldn't believe that he was so kind, even offering to show his badge which she didn't need, she knew he was telling the truth. Handing the baby over she was amazed at how naturally he held her.

Taking the baby he automatically did a slight rocking motion, rubbing tiny circles on the tiny child, humming softly, causing the baby to settle instantly. 

With huge eyes the woman asked, “How did you do that, Issy quietened right away?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Ray said, “I've no idea, I just did what my mum used to do. I love kids, the only time I get to look after them is when I look after my brother’s or sister’s lot.”

Raising her eyebrows at him, she said, “You mean you have none of your own and you’re that good?”

Smiling from the baby to his partner, Ray said, “Its kinda hard when your partner is not made to have our own.”

Making an 'O' with her lips, the woman said, “I see, maybe you will someday with help, I’d better run to the loo while it is free.”

Looking down at the tiny form in his arms Ray hoped they could have their own someday, if all goes well with Ben.

For the rest of the flight Ray held onto the baby even after Ben had woken up. It was only when they reached her family who were there to meet the mother and baby, did he hand her over. 

Waving goodbye they turned to see Ray Vecchio standing there laughing, “Always helping out aren't ya Kay! Hey Benny.”

Ray punched the other man playfully in the arm, “Hardy har har funny man, she was travelling alone with a baby.” 

Turning to his best friend, Ray Vecchio said, “Benny, you find the trip OK? Hope that you packed for the Florida sunshine and not the Arctic.”

Hugging his friend, Ben said, “It’s good to see you Ray and yes Ray...my Ray that is...made sure that I packed appropriately for this climate.”

Slinging his arms over both of their shoulders, Ray Vecchio said, “Good I’m glad, now come on Stella is cooking.” 

Stopping, Ray Kowalski looked at him, “The Stella is cooking? Is she OK V?”

Laughing back, Ray Vecchio said, “She is fine, just glad to have you down for a visit.”

The drive from the airport was done just exchanging idle chit chat and it wasn't long before they pulled into the drive of a beautiful two storey home with a two car garage with an overhand and a pool/guest-house.

Letting out a whistle. Ray Kowalski said, “Wow Ray, that is sweet, how did you afford this, the Feds pay you a pretty penny or what? I was never paid this well for my undercover work.”

Chuckling, Ray Vecchio answered, “It is nice isn't it, the house was a bargain to be honest, come on let’s get you and Benny in.”

They did notice that Ben was very quiet, but put it down to jet-lag and the head spin of leaving on vacation so fast.

Guiding them straight to the guest-house Ray Vecchio went to let Stella know that they had arrived safe and sound, leaving them to let their bags down.

Sensing that Ben needed a Kowalski hug he walked over and pulled him into that very hug, “Its gonna be OK, Vecchio will know what to do, we will all help you.”

Feeling the love that poured out from that hug, Ben replied, “Thank you, shall we go join them?”

Laughing into his shoulder, Ray said, “We better had, or they will think that we are up to something!”

In a shocked but mocking voice, Ben exclaimed, “Ray!”

Taking his hand Ray laughed at Ben's expression and they made their way into the main house.

Stella had indeed prepared dinner, she tried her hand at one of Mamma Vecchio's dishes and to their surprise it tasted just as good. She of course had greeted them very warmly making sure they enough to eat and drink. 

Sitting back her former husband asked, “Stell, you OK? Didn't know that you knew how to cook and clean?”

Flashing him a sarcastic smile, Stella replied, “I married a Vecchio, so cooking came with it, besides I'm...” Stopping there she looked at her current husband for confirmation to go on, “I'm pregnant Ray, I am five and half months pregnant.”

Ray’s mouth fell wide open in shock, “Pregnant, but I thought you didn't want children?”

Sitting down now, Stella said, “I know I said that I didn't, but I guess I changed my mind?”

Reaching out Ray took her hand and they all held their collective breath at what he might say, “I am very happy for you both, I really am,” he smiled.

The rest of the night passed well, sitting around the pool enjoying the nice weather before they all turned in for the night.

When finally in bed, Ben and Ray lay facing each other. Stroking the side of the blondes head, Ben asked, “You sure that you are alright Ray, that was quite a shock to you?”

Closing his eyes leaning into that touch Ray’s voice was almost a whisper, “I can't deny that it didn't hurt that she would have his kid and not mine, but I guess she just wasn't ready with me. The good thing that came out of it was that I have you and maybe we could have our own kid someday?”

Continuing to caress the side of his head, Ben said, “Perhaps you’re right, and I am very lucky to have you love me just as much as I love you, I would be honoured to have children with you someday.”

Opening his eyes that were shiny with tears, Ray asked, “You mean that?”

Sealing the promise with a kiss, Ben replied, “I mean it, let’s get some sleep, I have a feeling that Ray will want to talk tomorrow. I doubt I can get away with not talking all the time.”

Cuddling into each other, Ray said, “You’re right Ben, sweet dreams.”

Lying next to her husband Stella placed a hand over her pregnant belly. She’d seen the flash of pain and hurt that came over her ex-husband’s eyes when she’d told him her news. He had said that he was happy for them and even though it hurt him she knew that he meant it. 

She knew why they were here visiting and she hoped between them all that they could help Benton and see if that hurt and pain he had could be washed away.


	5. Chapter 5

Stella was awake and up the next morning opening the curtains of their bedroom to reveal the ocean view that they had. It never got old and it made her smile every time she looked out at it. The surprises it held amazed her as they often saw dolphins leaping into the air playfully having fun.

Now in the kitchen preparing breakfast she heard footsteps behind her then a pair of arms enveloped her in a hug from behind, “Good morning Stella.”

She leaned back into the hug, “Morning Ray. The guys still asleep?”

Kissing her cheek before bending to kiss the baby bump and making her giggle, her Ray said, “Ya, they are beat, it was a long trip and the emotional stress is getting to them both.” 

Taking her husband’s hands in hers she said, “Benton did have a haunted look about him and Ray does feel things very deeply for those he loves and he loves him very much and will do everything that he can to help him.”

Sitting across from her still holding hands, her Ray said, “I saw that as well, Benny has bottled up so much since he was a little kid, it was bound to come out sometime.”

Glancing in the direction of the pool house she continued, “I think that if we stick together we can help him through this, and I hope that you told them that they can stay as long as they need to.”

Ray smiled at her kindness, “I did Stella, thank you. I'm going to take Benny out for a walk today just the two of us, try and get him to open up a bit.”

Feeling arms tighten around him, slightly trembling, RayKowalski opened his eyes to see that Ben was sweating and obviously in the middle of a nightmare. Reaching out he brushed the side of his lover’s head, calming him after a few minutes. He feared the pain his other half was feeling would be too much, what if taking him away would do more harm than good, although Alan wouldn't have let them leave if it would have.

Ben woke about ten minutes later to bright blue eyes just like the morning sun greeting him making him smile. 

Leaning forward Ray kissed those beautiful lips that he was addicted to, “Morning Ben.”

Ben kissed back to his sunshine, “Morning Ray.”

Deciding that they had wallowed too much in bed they prepared for the day with showers and fresh clothes before making their way to the main house and were greeted warmly by Stella and Ray.

Ray tucked into breakfast making Stella laugh, he always did enjoy a hearty breakfast, some things never changed. Her own Ray did eat just as well in the morning, not strangely given his mother’s love for cooking.

Ben had been quiet during breakfast as he knew what was coming, he and his best friend Ray were going for a walk alone to talk and talking about feelings for him was a very hard thing to do, as it was something that he really never had done before. 

Saying their goodbyes Ray Kowalski kissed Ben wishing him luck. 

Bumping shoulders with the other man, Ray Vecchio said, “Benny don't look so frightened, it won't be that bad.”

Smiling slightly at the teasing tone of his friend, they continued to walk to the beach.

Finally finding the perfect spot they sat in silence for a few moments.

Turning his head former Detective spoke, “Benny, are you going to start, how long have you been feeling like this?”

Playing with the sand with a stick, Ben replied, “I'm not really sure, I think that it started when my Mum died. I don't think that I was allowed to, or allowed myself to grieve properly.” 

Frowning now, Ray asked, “How do you mean, you were only six, how were you not allowed to grieve?”

Looking to the sand again, Ben explained, “I felt like I needed to be strong for my Father, to show him that I was a man. Then when I was left at my grandparent’s I had to show them that I wasn't afraid, that I wasn't a baby missing his Mum and Dad.”

Shaking his head in disgust, “Jesus Benny, you were a baby, just six. You should have been allowed to cry, to be sad or upset and yes, miss your Mum and Dad. Just because you were so young didn't mean you didn't, or don't have feeling and frankly, I am furious with them all for doing that to you, for making you feel that way in the first place.”

With a small smile, Ben said, “Thank you Ray, it wasn't all bad they did love me and I did have some great adventures and memories with them.”

Nodding, Ray asked, “How often would your Dad get back to see you?”

Thinking for a moment, Ben answered, “Sometimes two or three times a year depending on how far away he was at the time. He did keep in constant contact over the wireless, so we did speak.”

Shaking his head again, Ray said, “Jesus, I mean my old man sucked but I saw him. That must have been rough, then to have to find his killers.”

Sighing, Ben hung his head between his shoulders, “It was hard I will admit, but when I did see him we had fun and the worst thing was having to find his killers and I was left once again, but this time in a strange country far from home and alone, no family or friends until I met you. I can honestly say if it hadn't been for you I don't know what I would have done or where I would be today and I wouldn't have met the love of my life.”

Ray blushed at the compliment, “I feel the same about you, I’m just sorry that I had to shoot you in the back, my best friend...I shot, my best friend, that the worst moment of my life.”

Looking at his friend, “Ray, it was the best thing that you could have done, you stopped me making the worst mistake of my life. If it wasn't for that I wouldn’t have Ray, who loves me for me. Not the Mountie me and he tells me every chance he gets.”

Bumping shoulders again, Ray asked, “How could you even forgive me for that and you know that I am so happy that you found love with someone who is just perfect for you.”

Dipping his head, ben said, “As for forgiving you that isn't even a subject as I thank you for what happened. I too am glad that you found love as well.”

Waving to the ocean, Ray asked, “What do you think of the view?”

Gazing out at it, Ben replied, “It’s beautiful, I can see why you like it much.”

Leaning on his drawn knees, Ray said, “Yes I do Benny. Listen you want to talk some more or head back and save more talking for another day?”

Rubbing his eyebrow, Ben said, “Head back, I find that I am worn out, sorry.”

Getting up, Ray brushed off the sand, “Don't be sorry Benny, you have a lot to deal with.”

Stella and Ray Kowalski sat chatting while waiting for Ben and the other Ray to come back from their walk and chat. She sipped her cool drink, “I was surprised at how well you took my news.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Ray explained, “I've moved on, I have Ben now, plus I am really happy for you both, really I am.”

Stella smiled at him, “It’s funny, but I believe you, so you’re really happy now with Benton?”

His whole face lit up at the mere mention of his name, “Very happy, I just hope that we can help him you know. I’m going to go stretch out on the bed, I have a bit of a headache.”

Giving him a pain killer she wished him well. 

Hours later he woke to arms around him, Ben was curled up behind him sleeping soundly closing his eyes again he figured that Ben was worn out and needed his rest a few more minutes wouldn't do any harm.


	6. Chapter 6

They had been at the Vecchio's now for a few days and were made to feel very welcome. Since Stella and Ray had to go in to work at the bowling alley, it left Ben and Ray alone to relax and enjoy the peace and quite.

Sitting at the pool’s edge with their feet in the water they shared a comfortable silence. Ray was the first to break it, “Did you and V have a good talk the other day, you haven't said much since?”

Gazing into the water seeing his reflection of sunglasses looking back at him, Ben replied, “We did, we cleared some air, there are still a lot of other issues and things we need to talk about, but we are getting there. I find it hard to open up, feelings are not something that we talked about or shared in our family.”

Nodding his head in understanding, Ray said, “I get that, where you grew up as well I bet making sure you knew how to survive, not step in a crack on the ice or something, was or seemed more important to you all.”

Looking at him, Ben was amazed at his understanding, “That's exactly it, learning to survive the harsh climate was indeed made a top priority to my family and friends, as at times it was life or death with just a step.”

Bumping shoulders with the dark haired man, Ray asked, “You give any thought to those letters that Al asked you to write?”

Ben kicked the water with his feet, “I have given them some thought, I think that I am going to give it a few more days before I attempt to write them.”

Giving him a smile, Ray covered his hand with his own, “That's OK Ben, there is no rush. What do you fancy doing while we are in Florida, fancy doing the tourist thing?”

Flashing his pearly whites, Ben replied, “I would love to, I would love to visit some of the nature reserve parks and go dolphin watching where they are protected, what would you like to do?”

Talking excitedly, Ray said, “I really wanna go on one of the air hover things where you go see crocs and I really wanna go to Disneyland, would you like to go there? It would be really cool.”

Ben brightened up at the excited face of his partner, “It sounds like fun, I would love to go there with you, perhaps we could go tomorrow?” 

Ray grinned from ear to ear just like a kid in a candy store, “Really? Wow, cool, should we go there alone or ask the others to come with us?”

Grasping the hyper hands in his, Ben smiled, “I think we should ask them, it would be nice to spend some time with them.”

Capturing a kiss from Ben's luscious lips, Ray agreed, “Sounds good to me, now let’s take a dip and cool off, I love swimming since you taught me.”

Just like they hoped, Ray and Stella joined them in doing the tourist thing. On the drive to the Everglades Safari Park, Ray Vecchio couldn't help smiling at the other Ray's excited face, “You know, we've been here for a good while now and not done any of this tourist stuff, so this will be fun!” 

Looking shocked Ray Kowalski responded, “You got to be kidding me V, never?”

Shaking his head, Ray Vecchio replied, “Never, the bowling alley took up a lot of time, now that we have extra staff we can start and with the baby coming it will be nice to know about these things so we can do them with the kid.”

Pulling into the parking lot, signs advertising the activities and adventures the park had turned the blonde Ray into an even more excited child. Stella had to cover her mouth to hide her laugh, but it didn't work as she couldn't help the giggles that escaped. 

Practically jumping in his seat he started chattering, “Oh wow guys we’ve got to do the Air Boat thing and oh man, we just have to pet an alligator. Ben what about that sunset ride? Might be kinda romantic, all four of us could get one boat?”

They were all feeding off his excitement and that made them excited to go in and have fun in the park. Going to the ticket desk they were greeted by a real friendly young lady, “Welcome to the Everglades Safari Park and what would you like to do here today?” 

Ben stepped forward, “Hello Miss, we would all love to do the Air Boat and the hour and a half sunset ride as well. We would also love to pet the alligator if that is possible?”

Smiling brightly, she replied, “You picked the perfect day, it’s nice and clear and not too hot, how do you wish to pay Sir?”

Ben took out his wallet, “Cash Miss, for all four of us.”

Stella looked to both Rays to stop him, Ben shouldn't have to pay for them all.

Stepping forward touching his arm, Ray Vecchio said, “Benny, you don't have to pay for us all, it’s to much”

Smiling at his friend, Ben replied, “It’s OK Ray, I want to, it is the least I can do for you as you refuse money from us to pay for our stay with you.”

Stella now piped up, “Benton, friends do not charge friends to stay in their home.”

That warmed his heart and her former husband’s too, as she had softened so nicely, “It’s really my pleasure Stella.”

Knowing this was a losing battle they nodded, “OK thank you Benton,” said Stella.

Patting his friend’s arm he was still holding, Ray Vecchio agreed, “Ya thank you Benny.”

The young lady behind the ticket desk had been very amused by their exchange, “They were never going to win there, were they Sir!”

Grinning as he paid, Ben said, “No, I am a Mountie and we never give up.”

Winking at him and jerking her head towards his Ray, “And you always get your man, right?”

Blushing he took the tickets, too embarrassed to tell her it was 'Maintain The Right' so he just nodded, “Am yes, thank you kindly.”

They all thanked her before entering the park that was buzzing with life and happy people.

As they walked towards the Air Boat, in true Fraser style, he came out with a fact, “Did you know that Everglades receives an annual average rainfall of more than 60 inches?”

His Ray took his hand grinning, “No Ben, didn't know that,” as Stella and Ray looked on amused. 

The first Air Boat ride was so exciting. Apart from the four of them there was a father and child, they all took photos of each other as did the driver of the whole boat. They saw so much wildlife and different plant life. It felt like flying, just like on a dog sled only on water that wasn't iced up. 

Getting off the boat Ray Kowalski chattered on like he had been, “Man that was so cool and we get to do it again and watch the sunset.”

Looking around he saw that Stella was linking arms with Ben and they were chatting nicely, he never thought that he would see the day that would happen.

Ben held Stella's arm as they walked, “Are you feeling alright Stella, do you wish to take a break, perhaps have something to drink?”

Leaning on his arm just a tiny bit, Stella replied, “Actually, I would love to sit for some water for just a few minutes.”

Telling the others, they made their way to the snack bar and sat for a few minutes enjoying the cool drinks and just people watching. Stella had to admit watching Ray hold and pet the baby alligator made her wonder if they had have had children when they were married, would he have been that gentle, so loving and with a smile so bright? She felt a pang of pain for him and Ben and maybe one day they would find a way to have their own children.

The day finished off with the sunset Air Boat ride and it was just the four of them on it. It turned out to be as romantic as they thought it would be. The kiss that they shared with their partners was captured in a photo to be treasured forever.

On the journey back to the house Ray Kowalski was already planning their next trip in a few days time. They would be visiting Disneyland and then the water park.

Arriving at the house, the Vecchios felt like a Mum and Dad that brought the kids out for the day as they practically had to feed them and then put them to bed since they were so worn out. 

Lying down in bed Stella hugged her husband, “It was a wonderful day, Benton seem so free today.”

Loving the warmth that came from her, Ray Vecchio replied, “He did, didn't he, I think because he finally let himself relax and have fun.”

Nodding against his shoulder, “Ya, he just dropped after I tucked him in,” giggled Stella, “Never thought I would say that!”

Ray was laughing now, “Neither did I, he really was worn out.”

Still giggling, Stella said, “They both were, then again Ray was always a ball of energy, then crash.”

Shaking his head, Ray said, “I am so tired myself, best get some sleep huh, love you.”

Stella kissed his cheek, “Love you too, sleep well.”

In the guest-house the two boys were wrapped around each other lost in happy dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

Both Rays had gone out for the day as V, as he became known, wanted to show Ray the plans and the site for the new indoor/outdoor go-cart racetrack he was having built beside the bowling alley. He was even having go-carts designed, some just like his Riv.

Ben sat on a chair next to the pool not really feeling up to going out with them. Pen and paper in hand he attempted a few times to start the letters that Alan had told him to write.

Stella looked out the patio doors watching him sit there looking sadder and sadder than she’d ever seen anyone look in a very long time. Deciding to cheer him up she put the water on to boil and went to call him. 

Stepping out the door she smiled, “Benton, I know that it is hot, but would you care for some bark tea, I found some in a store for you?”

Smiling at her kindness, Ben put aside the pen and paper as that could wait for another day, “I would love some thank you kindly.” Following her indoors to cooler air, he continued, “Why don't you sit and allow me to make it for you?”

Waving a hand, Stella replied, “No...no sit, I have to keep moving or I will go mad.”

Just as she lifted the kettle she put it back down, grabbing her stomach in pain. 

Seeing her in what was clearly pain Ben jumped up, going to her side, “Stella, what's wrong?”

Bending over still holding herself in pain with tears springing to her eyes, she said, “I...I don't know, it’s pain, what's wrong? What's wrong with the baby?”

Guiding her to sit, Ben crouched down in front of her, holding her hands, “Stella, I need you calm your breathing for me. Look at me and try and match my pace...that's it...that's it, good.”

Now having her breathing under control, Ben asked, “Now may I put my hands on your stomach to feel the baby and see if I can help?”

Stella nodded, panic still in her eyes, “Please, go ahead.”

As gently as he could he placed his hands on her stomach and very tenderly felt around, feeling the baby kick, “I think that the baby is just stretching and kicking. On the safe side I am going to take you for a scan, alright, I will contact our Rays from the hospital.”

Getting up holding on to Benton amazed at how calm he was being, that made her feel calm, she could see why Ray fell in love with this man. 

Placing her in the car he drove as quickly and as safely as he could to the hospital.

The hospital was a buzz of activity and getting to the Reception desk took some doing, but thankfully once they did they were shown straight to a room since this was a pregnant woman they were dealing with. 

All the nurses mistook Ben for the father and that made him blush and Stella laugh. Thankfully before Stella was looked at properly he could make those phone calls to the Rays. Just as he thought they panicked and told him to stick by her side and that they would be right there.

The doctor entered along with him as he rejoined her, “Mrs Vecchio, now what seems to be the problem today?”

Holding her baby bump, she explained, “I've been having very strange and bad pain, it took my breath away.”

Nodding in understanding she felt her stomach, “It could be the baby stretching and kicking a bit.”

Laughing she looked from the doctor to Ben, “That's what Benton said.”

The doctor looked at him asking, “Do you have medical training?”

Rubbing his forehead, he replied, “No I studied it in my Grandparents library.”

Eyes widening in surprise, the doctor said, “That must have been some library.” Turning to Stella, “Mrs Vecchio, I think we will do a scan just to be on the safe side.”

Lying there holding Ben's hand as the gel was placed on her belly, she was so frightened and closed her eyes.

Ben whispered to her, holding her hand, “Don't worry Stella, everything is going to alright.”

Hearing a heartbeat she opened her eyes and watched Ben's eyes light up looking at the screen, but it sounded strange, the heart beat sounded like an echo. Worried, she asked, “Is something wrong?”

Shaking her head the doctor smiled, “No nothing is wrong, the babies are fine.”

Gasping she squeezed Ben's hand, “Babies? What do you mean babies? How many are there?”

Puzzled, the doctor replied, “Yes two, didn't you know that it was twins that you were having?”

Stella shook her head, “No, only one baby showed up on the scan I have at home.”

Scratching her head, the doctor said, “My...my that is very unusual I must say. They are both fine, just as your friend thought, they are both just stretching and kicking that's all. Your womb is just adjusting so you have nothing to worry about.” She handed her another scan photo showing two babies this time.

When the doctor spoke again she asked, “Would you like a 3D scan and video of them? It’s a new thing and it lets you see your babies as if they were here.”

Smiling with happy tears in her eyes, Stella replied, “Yes please.” Grabbing Ben's hand again, she said, “Thank you Benton, for being there.”

Kissing her forehead on instinct, he said, “Thank you for letting me see this and I am so glad that everything is alright, and congratulations...twins!”

Looking at the babies in 3D for the first time was a magical moment.

Just as they reached the Reception desk to sign out, the doctor gave her plenty of copies of the scan and videos to hand out as they thanked her for her help, just as the Rays ran in panting for air.

Stella’s Ray ran over to her, “Stella...Stella, you OK? Is the baby OK, what did the doc say?”

Looking up at Ben she smiled then back to her husband, “Everything is fine, Benton got me here very fast and the doctor said it was just the babies stretching and kicking.”

He sighed with relief, “That's good Stel...hang on, did you say babies? What do you mean babies? How many?”

Showing him her scan, she explained, “Twins Ray, we are having twins and we even have a 3D video of them to watch. We got copies for your Ma and your Mum and Dad as well Ray.”

Kissing his wife, Ray said, “Stella darling, I love you.”

That night they sat and watched the video amazed at the miracle that was inside this wonderful woman. They laughed as she told them the babies had their legs crossed and their arms behind their head stretched out and relaxing. Luckily as they didn't want to know the sex of them until they were born.

Today had been a hard day but a miracle day all the same.


	8. Chapter 8

Ben had put it off for far to long, so when he rose that morning he decided that today would be the day that he would write his letters. This was something that he felt that he must do alone.

Ray took Ben aside before he left, “Ben, love, are you sure that you want to do this alone, coz I could come with you?”

Reaching out Ben placed his hand on his lover’s shoulder, “No Ray, this is something that I really must do alone, I will be fine, I promise.” Leaning forward he placed a kiss on Ray’s head.

Letting the hand on his shoulder pull him into a hug, Ray wrapped his arms around him giving him strength to complete the task ahead.

Standing on the porch Ray waved him off as he made his way to the beach, while Stella and Ray Vecchio watched from the window allowing them to have a moment without interruption.

As Ben walked down the road he could feel his Ray's eyes on him and he also saw the twitch of the curtains where Stella and Ray were watching him from. He knew that they loved him and only wanted the best for him. It was their strength that would help get him through all of this.

Finding the perfect spot on the beach under a tree, he took out his pen and paper taking a deep breath he began...

 

_Dear Ben,_

_I am writing this from the heart about first of all the bad things in your life._

_Losing your Mum when you were just a baby yourself, blaming yourself for her death, it was not your fault. Then having to watch your Dad drive away and leave you with mere strangers alone, so frightened and not able to grieve. Thinking you needed to prove yourself, you made one of the biggest mistakes of your young life by shooting that defenceless Caribou. Losing your Dad at the hands of a family friend, a fellow Mountie. Then having tracked him down and then banished to a foreign land for turning in one of your own, even though he committed a horrendous crime that shattered your life forever._

_As time went on you made more mistakes, getting stabbed and shot twice. First time protecting the man that had your Dad murdered. Second time in trying to ruin not just your life but also you would have your ruined best friend’s. The worst of all was saying goodbye to your mum and dad, knowing it was the final time that you were ever going to see them._

_Ben_

 

Wiping a tear from his eyes he looked out to sea, watching happy families enjoying their day brought a smile to his face. It was time to write about the good things in his life...

 

_Dear Ben,_

_Ben there are plenty of good things in your life. You were lucky to have  
a Mum and Dad at all. Your Dad loved you enough to find you a stable loving  
home with people who cared and taught you so many wonderful  
things and took you on amazing adventures that shaped the man  
you became._

_Finding the killers of your father and finding a home and friends who  
became family in Chicago. Getting shot in the back by your best  
friend saved your life. Paying off his mortgage and having him shoot at  
you for it then hug the stuffing out of you as well._

_The best and most wonderful moment of all was meeting the love  
of your life, the person who will spend the rest of your life with  
and one day hopefully have children and a family of our own._

_All my love,_

_Ben_

 

Capping his pen he closed his eyes and smiled, feeling the weight come off his shoulders just a bit. When he finally burnt the letter of bad things it would lift even more, that he knew for sure.


	9. Chapter 9

Ben woke up to a kiss that was placed on his lips. Opening his eyes slowly he did indeed find Prince Charming looking back at him.

Wrapping his arms around the slender man Ben snuggled into the warm body, “Good morning Ray.”

Ray loved the embrace from his lover, “Morning Ben, well, you excited about going to Disneyland today?”

Not being able to help himself smile at the look of sheer childlike excitement on the face looking at him, Ben replied, “Having never been to a place like this before, I must admit that I am rather looking forward to it.” 

Taking his face in both hands, Ray kissed him until he needed air, “Come on Ben, up you get, it’s going to be a fantastic day.”

Jumping out of bed Ray made his way to the bathroom singing, leaving Ben laughing in the bed.

It wasn't long before they were all in the car making their way to the Resort. What Ben and Ray didn't see were the packed bags that Stella and Ray had managed to pack without them knowing, as they had booked two nights for them all in the Disney Animal Kingdom Lodge. 

Stella and Ray Vecchio had kept them talking all the way and it wasn't until they had parked in front of the hotel did the other Ray ask, “What are we doing here, we meeting someone, or something?”

Laughing from the driver’s seat, Ray Vecchio replied, “Nope Kay, I’ve booked us in for a two night stay. I figured we could spend all day in the Theme Park and then tomorrow in the Water Park and chill out in the hotel over the night-time.”

Ben and Ray looked at each other open mouthed, “Jeez V, that is too much,” said Ray.

Joining in, Ben added, “I have to agree Ray, it’s too much.”

Turning in his seat he gave the famous Vecchio stare, “Benny, Kay, you both have done far more for us and well, this is our way of saying thank you. So shut up and grab your bags that we packed and let’s get this trip started!”

Glancing to Ben Ray smiled, “OK, thank you guys this is going to be ace, I swear.”

Laughing now, Ben agreed, “Yes thank you, Ray, Stella, this is really wonderful of you.”

It didn't take long for them to check in and they were lucky enough to get rooms side by side overlooking the Wildlife Reserve. 

While Stella and Ray went into their room to drop off their bags, Ben and Ray went into theirs to do the same. Scanning the room Ray whistled, “Holy shit Ben, are you seeing this, this is bigger than our apartment!”

Stepping out onto the balcony his eyes nearly popped out of his head, “Ben...Ben...Ben, Jesus come look at this.”

Thinking something was wrong Ben ran to his side, “What's wrong?”

Shaking his head and pointing, Ray said, “Nothing, look, is that a freaking zebra over there and what the heck is that thing over there?”

Looking to where he was pointing he too went wide eyed, “Wow, I do believe that is a sebra and the other animal is a roan antelope and I believe you can see some stork just by the that lake there.”

Leaning back into Ben's body Ray took his arms bringing them around him, “Do you think that if we asked that stork it would bring us a baby Ben?”

Kissing the back of his head, Ben answered, “We can try Ray, we can try.”

Ray closed his eyes, “OK Ben, OK, Mr Stork or Miss Stork will you please bring Ben and I a baby when the time is right.” Just as he finished those words, the Stork let out a happy squawk.

Opening his eyes Ray looked over his shoulder at Ben seeing the love in his eyes shine back at him, “Think the stork answered us huh?”

Ben kissed him once more, “I believe the stork did, Ray.”

Just then they heard knocking at the door followed by voices, “Come on guys the hanky panky can wait, we got a theme park to take over.”

Blushing and laughing they made their way out, taking the park shuttle bus into the park itself from the hotel.

Ray Kowalski was so hyper they thought he might need one of those baby leashes to keep him from running off.

Ray was talking excitedly as they wandered around trying to pick a ride to go on first, “Cool guys let’s do The Haunted Mansion ride, come on...come on, the line is short.”

Following him in the line was indeed short, so it wasn't that long before they were inside. Going around Ray regretted suggesting it as it was freaking the heck out of him. At one stage something grabbed him and he hit out automatically hitting the ghost/person making them scream and everyone else laugh.

Once outside they had to calm themselves down from laughing while Ray had to calm himself from shaking and then he went to the desk to have his apologies passed on to whoever he hit. Only to be informed he was not the first person to so that so it was OK. 

Only a hug from his Ben worked to help with his shaking and embarrassment. 

For the next few rides they stuck to some of the kiddie ones, like the Tea Cups and the Flying Dumbo and of course the shop where Ray insisted a trip to Disneyland was not right without buying Mickey Mouse ears, so that is how they all ended up wearing them, much to Ray Vecchio's protests. 

So far they had been on tons of rides and even visited Cinderella's Castle and had their photos taken with nearly every Disney character in the park.

Next on the list was the ultimate ride in Ray's mind, Space Mountain. Even though the line was a 45 minute wait it didn't put them off. 

Nudging Ben by the shoulder, Ray asked, “Well, how are you enjoying your trip so far?”

Smiling from ear to ear, still wearing his Mickey Mouse ears, Ben replied, “I am having a wonderful time. I always thought it was just for children, but is isn't is it.”

Shaking his head grinning, Ray said, “Nope, kids are the excuse, and those Mickey ears really suite you”

Rubbing the ears on top of Ray's head, Ben said, “As do yours.”

Ducking his head slightly, Ray said, “So Ben, what would you like to go on next?” 

Ben pointed to a huge ride, “I would love to go on Splash Mountain Ray, it looks exhilarating.”

Ray punched his arm playfully, “See, that's the spirit.” 

Turning to Stella and Ray Vecchio, Ray asked, “How about you guys, you wanna go on with us?”

Holding Stella's hand, Ray replied, “Actually, we are going to sit for a bit, I don't think that Stella can go on these huge rides when pregnant.”

Ray Kowalski slapped his head, “Shit, sorry Stell, you want us to leave these and get something to drink?”

Shaking her head, Stella replied, “Don't you dare Kowalski, you go on these rides and have fun, you hear?”

Chuckling now, Ray said, “Oh no you 'Kowalski-ed' me. I better do as she says or I will be Stanley next!”

As Stella and Ray Vecchio made their way to sit for a bit, Ray Kowalski and Ben enjoyed the rides of both Space Mountain and Slash Mountain.

Ben was thrilled that they were given covers to wear as they would have been soaked right through and Ben had to admit that he’d never laughed so much or as hard in his life.

They had time to do two more things before going back to the hotel for a huge dinner that was planned.

Both Rays looked at each other at the same time and said in once voice, “It's A Small World, come on we can feel like giants.”

Stella held onto Ben's arm giggling at them, “Look Benton, our children,” and giggled again making Ben laugh along with her.

All the way around the ride each Ray took it in turns to chant the words from Jack and the Beanstalk, ‘Fe Fi Fo Fum, I smell the Blood Of An Englishman'.

With the roll of film in Ray’s camera nearly finished, they finished the day by going into the Frontierland Shootin' Arcade. They shocked the life out of the people running it by hitting every target that was in there and it was only when leaving did they tell them that they were policemen and trained marksmen. 

Stella teased them, “You guys are just so funny, those people’s faces were priceless and I have it all on camera.”

That night they enjoyed a really cool dinner cooked on an open fire, it was like camping on a safari trip.

They all slept like logs after their very exciting and long day of riding nearly every ride that they could go on in the park.

Ray stirred against his Ben. Smiling, he kissed Ben’s shoulder, then getting out of bed, he made his way to the balcony. He stepped out, closed his eyes and stretched.

On opening his eyes he came face to face with an honest to god giraffe! It just stood there looking at him and then went back to eating from the tree.

Ray tried to shout for Ben but all that came out was a squeak. Lucky for him Ben had woken and saw what was going on, but before going out he took a photo from where he stood. Facing him was an amazing sight that had to be captured. 

Wrapping his arms around the shaking man, Ben said, “It's alright Ray, she won't hurt you.”

Swallowing, Ray asked, “How do you know?”

Kissing the side of his head, Ben explained, “They are herbivores, they only eat plant material, isn't she beautiful. Did you know that is a reticulated giraffe?”

Leaning back in the safety he felt in Ben’s arms, Ray asked, “How do you know all this?”

Holding on tight, Ben replied, “Her markings tell you.”

Over breakfast they told the story of what happened and Ben informed Ray Vecchio and Stella that he’d taken a photo of it, which pleased his lover no end.

Finally after leaving enough time after eating they made their way to the Water-Park. While Stella stayed in the spa part, they hit the fun stuff. 

Ben laughed at their childlike behaviour, he had to stop both Rays on more than one occasion from pushing children out of the way to go on a slide. 

Ray Kowalski nudged Ray Ray Vecchio, pointing, “What ya think, want to go on Crush 'N' Gusher?”

Ben asked, “What's a Crush 'N' Gusher?”

Ray Vecchio's face lit up, Benny it's way cool, it’s a water-slide that is like a roller-coaster. Come on, you coming on with us?”

Gazing up at this huge structure he wasn't sure, but the excitement on their faces he didn't want to take away, “OK, I will give it a try, only if you do the Shark Reef with me.”

Their eyes widened and making them swallow, “You wanna...you want us to swim with sharks, stingrays and fish?” asked Ray Kowalski.

Folding his arms, Ben tried to look serious and not laugh, “Yes, that is the deal, what do you say?”

Looking to each other before deciding, both Rays nodded, shaking hands with Ben. 

The day flew and before they knew it they were going to bed again, still buzzing from the day.

Stella had an amazing day at the spa and the boys could not believe that they swam with all those animals. 

This had been the best two days ever in their opinion and they could not wait to look at the photos.

Both Rays talked about how much lighter Ben had looked in himself, maybe they were another step closer in removing the heavy weight that he has been carrying on his shoulder. They were just so glad to see him smile so freely and to laugh so openly again.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a few days now since Ben had talked to Alan, so he felt that he really should pick up the phone and give him a ring. 

Having been left alone to make the call in private, he dialled the number, and a friendly voice answered, “Alan Hanson, speaking.”

Ben relaxed straight away at the sound of the calming voice, “Hello Alan, it's Ben here.”

Sitting back in his chair, Alan said, “Hey Ben, it's been a few days, how have you been getting on, did you write those letters?”

Settling in his chair, Ben replied, “I have had a lovely few days, we went to Disneyland for two days and had such a fun time. Our friends Stella and Ray Vecchio paid for us to all stay in one of the hotels there. I did in fact write both letters a few days ago, just before we made the trip to the resort.”

Alan nodded into the phone, “How did writing those letters make you feel?”

Rubbing his forehead, Ben answered, “Painful and happy. The hard letter was the bad things, I found anger and frustration more than I thought I had inside me. I must say that I felt lighter with each word that I wrote and got out of me.”

Listening carefully Alan asked, “Did you burn that letter yet?”

Ben shook his head. “No, not yet. I just haven't found the right time. I may get the chance tonight as we are attending a beach party, were I am told there will be a bonfire or something.”

Alan sat back once again, “That's a very good idea as your words will be carried sway and off to the sea, very poetic.”

Feeling a bit better about doing it that way Ben responded, “Thank you Alan.”

Smiling now Alan asked, “Now about the good things in your life, how did that make you feel?”

Grinning from ear to ear now, Ben replied, “Wonderful, I never realised how lucky I am in life, how many people cared about me or loved me. It made me feel like a hole in my heart had been filled and I was made to feel whole and extremely lucky to have found the love of my life in Ray.”

Sitting forward again, Alan said, “Ben, I cannot say how happy I am to hear you say those words. It is a major breakthrough for you.”

Ben relaxed his shoulders, “Really, thank you Alan. I do feel like I am getting somewhere with your help.”

Using what Ray called his 'Shrink Voice’, Alan said, “No...no, it’s all down to you Ben, only you can help you, I am just here to nudge you when you need it from time to time. It is you that is doing the hard work, not me.”

Feeling his face flush, Ben said, “I...I still thank you.”

Alan chuckled, “Ben, you are unique. Look, go enjoy the rest of your day and the bonfire tonight and we will talk when you get home, unless you need to talk before, just call OK. I am here whenever and whatever time that you need me. Oh and give my best to Ray and tell him that his Godchildren are waiting for you both to take them out again, they really enjoyed going out with you the last time.”

Smiling now at that, Ben said, “I will and I look forward to taking them out again, they are wonderful children.”

Hanging up Ben looked up to find Ray in the doorway smiling at him, “Hiya Ben, don't worry I didn't hear a word, I saw you hang up before I came over.”

Going over Ben hugged the slender man, “I know Ray, Alan, says to say hi and that your Godchildren are waiting for us to take them out again.”

Giggling into his neck, Ray said, “They are huh, hey maybe we should take them to Disneyland, give Al and his wife a break?”

Ben gave him a long slow lingering kiss before answering, “Sounds like a fine idea.”

Looking into the baby blues Ray caressed the side of his face. “Really? Cool, we can set it up for when they are on holidays from school.”

Leaning in for another kiss with Ray's hand still on his face lovingly, Ben said, “Good idea Ray, let’s get ready for the bonfire.”

Getting ready didn't take long and it was going to be a beautiful clear night, just perfect for the night ahead.

It was on the trip to the bonfire on the beach that Ben told the others of the plan to burn the letter, the final bit of letting go of what he was keeping inside.

Ben enjoyed the music, food and dancing with Ray and nearly everyone else around the fire, when the perfect time came.

It was just himself and his Ray there holding hands he picked up the letter and closed his eyes and uttered the words, 'Darkest Before The Dawn', then threw the letter into the fire after opening his eyes, watching as his words and negative emotions were carried off out to sea and up into the stars that shone brightly above them like a protective blanket.

Looking into the safety and love of his Ray he felt truly happy and blessed, maybe the rest of his life would be better from now on. 

 

The End


End file.
